Dr. J on Running
It Has Been a Long Day
Written 26 February 1990 - Published 26 December 2009
It has been a long day, yet it is barely three o'clock.
I feel tired, sleepy, defeated. I want to go home.
The day has been a flop. The visit went bad.
Very few faculty have bothered to participate.
Apathy is getting on my nerves.
I feel I am wasting my time. I feel down.
I must think positive thoughts. The day is still young.
Think of what I did this morning.
Think of pleasant running and a pleasing partner.
Think of happy children and smiling faces.
Think of warmer mornings and 5K races.
Think of sweat and pain and finish lines.
The day is still young. I must enjoy it.
Why am I feeling down?
Could it be my runny nose and stuffy head?
Or the lack of sleep for the past few days?
Am I scared that the nagging pain in my shins might injur me?
Running means so much to me that I am scared.
Nothing has ever meant so much to me.
I have taken health for granted.
I have taken wife and children for granted.
I have taken mornings for granted.
Yet I don't take my running for granted.
Even after nine months and a thousand miles.
I still look for the morning with excitement.
Every evening is a Christmas Eve, and morning running is my gift.
I look at running with anticipation and fear.
I am scared of injury and its consequences.
I am scared of every minor ache or pain.
I resent colds and coughs and runny noses.
Yet I look at spring and summer as my reward.
I know what I want to be doing when warmth returns.
I know how much I want to be running.
I only feel nervous about the transition.
I like to think that winter is gone.
So what is going through my head?
Probably not much right now. I am just confused.
I am oblivious to the discussion around me.
I am just plain sick and tired.
I want to go home. I want to sleep.
I want to dream of lakes and sun.
I want to run and have some fun.
I want to rest and recover to my best.
I want a friend to whom I can talk.
I want to chat and catch up on winter bygone.
I want to talk and remember summer and fall.
I feel so lonely. Where is my friend?
Where is my Santa Klaus?
Where is Christmas?
I look forward to the night and the dreams it brings.
I look forward to the moon and the hope it promises.
I look forward to the peace and the calm of darkness.
I await anxiously the night, since morning follows it.
Since sunset must precede sunrise. I wait for mine.
A morning runner.
© 2009 Dr Kamal Jabbour